Have a rage night

As I have previously mentioned, I have mild bipolar which means my mood can go up and down quite quickly. Also as I  work a lot and I am often too tired to go out at night at relax myself, I have stress with builds up that needs releasing in one way or another.

This is why I am have come up with the idea of rage nights. This is when I try to have one night when I have time to myself to completely rage out. I look for stuff online that really annoyed me as scream and shout until I am either calm or exhausted.

This really gets the heart pumping and it is probably a very good form of exercise. I also use twitter to help with my rage and while what is say seems extreme, its still very rationalised and can be expanded to the nth degree. As someone once said I am dangerous because I say rational when I am angry, which is true. My frustration is often that people say things they have not thought through, they say things which can not be proven or on any belief statement.

I think while I am not happy about raging, it is a normal part of life and probably quite healthly!

If you like what I say, have a look at my website at http://www.simonstevens.com or follow me on twitter, @simonstevens74

What does being immortal mean?

In the same way as cure, the concept of immortal is one which is far more complex to define than people may imagine. By immortal the common factor here is living for ever but does that mean growing older and not being able to die. Would you grow out slowly and not at all and is so, what physical age would you be? Does not dying just mean from diseases or is it from anything? If you are shot, you are invincible? Do you heal? Or are you left in pain forever unable to die?

And finally, if we did forever, could our minds really cope as any memories increased as we lived 100s or 1000s of years. This is the issues of immortality that makes it as complex as anything else in this world if it was indeed possible. And is it not our contributions to the media, our families and our other actions we remember which makes us as immortal as we can?

If you like what I say, have a look at my website at www.simonstevens.com or follow me on twitter, @simonstevens74

What does being cured mean?

The medical model is all about curing people ideally or killing them off if that’s not possible, but what do we mean by being cured in terms of a major impairment of cerebral palsy? If we take a minor illness like a chest infection, they are clear symptoms we can measure and make disappear with antibiotics which are separate from the normality on the person so a known state of being is restored.

But with cerebral palsy to a significant degree, the impairment is lifelong and has completely affected the psychology and sociology of an individual. If a cure, a type miracle cure leaves someone physical restored to a perceived level of normality, it leaves someone with a huge psychological and functional rehabilitation journey. I do not know how to cook or iron because I am not able to so I have by default never learnt. Society would see me as cured and remove my support, but leave me alien to my new abilities which may make me as disabled as if someone else was run over by a car.

And if we made a miracle cure that could take this into account and changed a person’s psychological history so they were normal and knew how to be normal, would that person be any part of their former selves and how much would they have lost? It is like a man waking up the next day as a woman with the experiences of a woman, not a man, a form of identity murder.

So when we talk about cure, it is not as simple as it looks!

If you like what I say, have a look at my website at www.simonstevens.com or follow me on twitter, @simonstevens74

The Right to be Murdered?

Despite the recent death and suspected suicide of Tony Nicklinson, I am concerned and surprised to hear his widow is still pursuing an appeal to give a legal right for someone to be killed by their doctors. This immediately alerts me to the fact this will not the actions of a desperate me but a calculated ideology which will seriously affect the lives of many disabled people.

I now see the issue of euthanasia as far more grey than it was. The issue has now got to be split into the right to die and the right to be killed. While I would personally at this stage of my life not desire death, I do believe we have a right to die in the sense that we have an ability to commit suicide without assistance and we have to right to die from natural causes. 

The later goes against the idealogical to the medical world but I think we have reached a point in our social evolution where we must question how long we work to live in terms of coping with terminal illnesses. When someone only has a few days left and in severe pain, the right thing is more complex and we need to debate this further. But personal choice must be the key factor here, it is about the right not to be saved.

Where Tony was going was the idea that someone who was not dying from a terminal illness but felt they need help to commit suicide could on their terms ask their GP to ‘prescribe’ and nowadays commission it. This is murder in the purest sense and leaves room for so much misinterpretation and corruption, it is a very dangerous path and I can see doctors providing ‘compassion’ to parents for disabled children who are struggling because of environment issues. Tanni Grey may suggest parents can put their children in residential care because of debt issues but the late Tony Nickinson could be offering a cheaper solution.

The right to live comes first and no one has the right to take another persons life nor forced by law to have blood on their hands.

 If you like what I say, have a look at my website at www.simonstevens.com or follow me on twitter, @simonstevens74

Health has always been privatised (Cancer)

I would like to argue that parts of the health system in the UK has always been privatised, but not in the way people realise. I am not talking about BUPA and the other commercial private health providers, but the many charities which claim to act like health services.

if we take cancer, if we take the advertising messages of Cancer Research UK and Macmillan Cancer Support, we are  led to believe they are totally responsible for the treatment of cancer patients  which leaves me wondering what the NHS is doing. And if the NHS is free at the point of delivering, why are cancer patients begging on TV to ‘save lives’? Does that not give the message that we will only get cancer treatments if we make the right donations to the right charities?

And if these charities are funded by the public to find cures. why are the drug companies charging the NHS a fortunate for new drugs to cover the cost of research the public has already paid for? I have never understood it and I think it is time people got an explanation.

Children’s health is another area which is funded by charity which suggested the NHS has such a low opinion of ‘our future generation’, they pass the burden to charities. I know it is not this simple but that is the message we get.

The government should clarify the relationship between charity and the NHS so people can realise where their hard earnt money is really going.

Bring Everything Together

In my daydreams, I am always ponding on how this government and society could be improved for the benefit on everyone but in a way that is cost effective. I get frustrated at what I see as the waist of money I see by the fact issues are dealt with separately rather than brought together to provide results and positive outcomes.

The government divides life in issues with education, employment, health, housing, leisure and social care, and allow each issue to develop a culture and organisational structure that is incompatible with each other. The goals to a better life experience for everyone is not shared and so there is so much repetition and conflict.

One example is that leisure is regarded as nice but a luxury, the benefits of a western society. However, to create a good mental well-being you must balance work with leisure. Therefore one way of resolving the huge mental health issues we have here, that lead to obesity, smoking, alcoholic abuse, drug addiction and so on, is the move some health monies into a whole new generation of public leisure opportunities. A shared goal can therefore be achieved by bringing everything together.

Understanding our moods

As someone with mild bipolar, I have needed to understand my moods more than most. A mood for me goes beyond the basic feelings and its about how calm, relaxed, energetic, depressed or frustrated we are at this moment and in what direction our moods is heading.

It is then able understanding how our mood is affected by our environment and then how it affects how we respond to things are it. If we can understand why something quite minor has really irritation us, because of how we are generally feeling, we can do something positive about it.

I feel our moods are an indicator of how well our is in terms of physical and mental well-being. Unfortunately to success in life, it is necessary to go the occasional extra mile and this can make being balanced a never ending struggle to achieve.

So how is your mood today?

The signs of spring

The signs of spring are here and I am loving it. It is probably the most exciting time of the year as I know winter is over and I have the whole of the summer to look forward to. More sunlight means less depression means more energy mean happiness.

A symptom of this time of year has been a period of intense mania and my SAD (Seasonally Affected Disorder) moves me from winter depression. Now I have been diagnosed with mild bipolar I understand this mania and rationise it. But I used to spend the period for years worrying and panicking about the smallest of things without reason or understanding.

This period only last a few weeks and its followed by the wonderful summer ahead, and with my electric wheelchair, lightwriter and iPad, I am certainly looking forward to getting out there!

Legalising Murder?

Once again the campaign to legalise “assisted suicide” for ‘terminal ill patients’ gets a step closer to your goal as a commission on the issue gives a thumbs up. For disabled people, this means that their legalised murder by their families and ‘carers’ becomes more possible as any new laws will most likely be bent and twists by doctors and families to make ‘quality of life’ decisions that will result in the acceptable murder of disabled people, as well as added pressure on individuals who can consent to jump ship.

Please do not misunderstand me, I do not believe families fully understand the decisions they make and society’s dislike of disability allows a belief they are doing the right thing as clearly no one wants to be disabled, or so the myth does. Any suicide is a permanent solution to be temporary problem which is environmentally, disabled or not, and it should never be assumed it is natural for disabled people to want to die, as their choice may often relate to poor care or the low expectation of others.

Bottom line is unless someone is in chronic pain and properly dying, and needs to be helped, suicide is a cowardly and selfish act which should never be allowed to be acceptable as some middle class desire for forgiveness.

G is for… Getting Tired

G is for Getting Tired, which is very appropriate to write today since I am extreme tired. I have been working extremely work the last few weeks and with my holiday around the corner, everything is catching up with me. This is just a part of my life and this is my point.

Because of my impairments it can take me more energy to do things and I therefore get tired more easily. This means I been to plan my day more carefully to ensure I use my energy efficiently and it is a central reason why I need personal assistance. When I have a long day, it is possible for me to ‘borrow’ energy and ofcourse I need to pay it back by resting the next day I can and this is one of those days!